A Lesson About “SPIRITUAL SKILL”

Have you ever experienced people in your life that on the surface their relationship with you appears to be genuine although in your heart you know there is something disingenuous?  These are relationships where discernment is critical because you could be setting yourself up for GREAT deception.  In such cases, you may discover the hard way that the “disingenuousness” you perceive in others may very well be your own jealousy and pride and it can bring harm to a perfectly good relationship.  On the other hand, if your discernment is warranted, then addressing it “unskillfully” can also lead to disappointment, confusion and even repeated offense.  Oh God! How can we discern the difference?

These are the relationships where you may consistently experience argument, confusion or abuse either mildly (covertly) or blatantly (overtly) whereby in your heart, you sense if you were to confront them with your concern (without tangible evidence) they will conveniently deny your observation or state you misunderstood them or they will quickly correct themselves (confessing oversight and even an apology) ONLY because they have been clearly exposed.

These are individuals whose actions “consistently” do not add up with their words.  These are people with whom your gut feeling tells you “something isn’t sincere about them.”

So, the best way to deal with people whose actions “constantly” make you struggle to understand is to “IGNORE THEM.”  Yes!  “Resist the devil and he will FLEE!” (James 4:7)

The Spiritual Skill to apply in this situation is from the principle of FORGIVENESS.  When someone offends you, the Bible instructs us to forgive.  (Matt. 18:21-22)  This is not always easy in particular when the offender will not take responsibility for their actions.  Therefore, you must seek to find forgiveness through God.  This healing process is God’s biblical model and part of the “Ministry of Reconciliation” that He has given to every believer. (2corn. 5:18)  This principle suggests it is best to hold your WRATH and extend MERCY instead.  Otherwise, your wrath will consume YOU much more than it will consume the person you feel it deserves.

Granted, this is a hard thing to do.  It is because forgiveness is an attribute of LOVE, which does not come naturally to our human nature.  Love is from God because LOVE IS GOD and His love is SUPERNATURAL therefore, the only way to withhold your wrath and extend mercy, is through PRAYER (conversation with God).  This is the only way to cause something nearly impossible to achieve to have the ability to transform our heart, mind and spirit.  What is so beautiful about this is that if your offender is a Born Again Believer, the Holy Spirit will convict their heart and prayerfully they will submit to His will and make things right although, if they are not a believer, the Holy Spirit will respond through grace and long suffering and allow them and their actions to ultimately condemn themselves.  This is also the same outcome for rebellious Believers too!

I believe the challenging part in all of this is that we don’t seem to realize that the transforming work of God, in US, may “Take Time.”  Therefore, your full transparency with God and how you submit to His leading will determine how smooth of how rugged this experience will be.  Rest assured, in any case, as you trust Him, it will all work together for your good. (Rom. 8:28)  Yes, transformation through forgiveness takes time and too often the enemy deceives us to believe that God doesn’t really care about those who offend us; Oh! But HE DOES!  What is both biblical and true to the nature of God is that He passionately loves EVERYONE whom He has created and desires that none would perish but would one day find truth and eternal life in Him. (John 3:16)  You see, wrath is a great responsibility to carry and should be carried by God ALONE.  This is why prayer is so critical in times like these because the peace of God can be imparted to you no matter how He chooses to handle the matter.

So, ignore engagement with people you can’t trust. A common term for this is “Pick your Battles.”  When your engagement with certain people stirs up anxiety or animosity inside of you because of something they’ve done and timing is not in your best interest to confront it just yet, this is a clear sign that something isn’t quite right and you can trust it.  Therefore, do not take offense instead, extend MERCY by ignoring their behavior.  DO NOT even acknowledge their act with the dignity of your respect by giving attention to it.  Only when their action is clearly exposed either publicly or is confronting you directly should you respond and when you do…respond SKILLFULLY!